The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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