And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
