Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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