Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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