My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
