I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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