Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
