I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
