He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
