Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
