Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
