so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
