Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
