my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
A+ Viking dick
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
