your thong is hanging out like whoa
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't deserve a penis
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
