You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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