return my video game
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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