last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
