i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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