you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
