I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
