So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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