I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
