dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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