life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he was CRYING into my vagina
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
