remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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