We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
