Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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