oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
