i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
