ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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