You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
