so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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