I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
