captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
