I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
