I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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