Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
