Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
