i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
