The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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