The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
