oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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