so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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