I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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