Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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