It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
