Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
