She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
