You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sorry about my life...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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