no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
