This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
