u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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